Rumour Blogging for Dummies

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Do you ever feel like everyone around you has NHL scoops? Get the feeling that you’re the only one without sources about rumours? Feeling unpopular and bullied? Do you like role play? Feel the need to be popular and appreciated? It’s easy. Become a Rumour Blogger!

Rumour blogging is becoming more and more popular, as shown by the number of them coming out of the woodworks in the past couple of years. Move over Eklund, you have company, as more regular Joe’s want to take advantage of people’s naïve nature to make themselves look important!

But how does someone become a Rumour Blogger? I’ve created an easy to follow, step by step guide to help you do just that. Try it, it’s really simple!

 

  • Create a username. Don’t use your real name and ensure no one finds out, at all cost;

 

  • Get a Twitter account. A web site to post on is preferable, especially if you can edit at a later date, but optional;
  • Find at least one big, gullible and desperate fan base and focus on them mostly, especially when you’re in dire need of attention;

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  • Proper spelling is preferred, but not crucial as people are so desperate for juicy rumours, that they will overlook the fact that GM’s, scouts or other personnel would want their message written by an illiterate;
  • Don’t give too much information. The more info you give, the higher the risk of getting caught in a lie;
  • Be vague, yet leave some meat on the bone;
  • Tell your followers not to believe everything that’s out there, but insist that they should trust YOU as you’re not like others;
  • Once in a while, make something up to be the first to come out with that rumour, so that people don’t think you’re stealing from others. You’ll be surprised to see how many others will say they’ve heard the same thing;
  • Come up with a rumour quoting one source, and then contradict that rumour a few days later saying you got information from another source. You can’t lose that way;
  • Often mention that you can’t divulge your source not to burn them or compromise their job;
  • Agree with some other rumours, other times say that you haven’t heard that;
  • Pretend to have appointments with your sources, meeting, phone calls. This will bring credibility to the untrained eye;
  • Often use the line that most rumours don’t result in trades. People can defeat that no matter how hard they try;
  • Make sure to use the canned answers: “Cap space can be cleared” and “don’t shoot the messenger”. It’s an easy cope out of difficult situations when confronted;
  • If they catch you in a lie, ask them why they’re following you if they don’t want to believe;
  • Tweet something immediately after a traditional media or another insider. If someone challenges you, pretend you didn’t see it or that you have the same info, so it must be true;
  • Re-tweet everyone who agrees with you. While it may not add to your credibility, showing the world that some are gullible to believe you will make you feel better;
  • Make sure to piggy back what others are reporting, especially if it’s more than one. You wouldn’t want to be left out if it were to materialize;
  • Always claim to have a source better than your other ones. This will bring more attention to yourself when you feel the time is right, like at the trade deadline or at the amateur draft;
  • When a trade actually happens, pretend to have predicted it. People are lazy and won’t go check, some will concur;
  • And remember that the more crap you throw on the wall, some will eventually stick!

 

While I’ve created this guide in good humour, don’t think for one second that it isn’t true. GM’s and team officials don’t reveal information to that many people. Very few are legitimate and all claim to be the ones to be trusted.

In conclusion, I highly suggest you read The story of Dallas Dave, a Rumour Blogger who, after reaching some success, decided to come clean. Great story!

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Twas the Night Before Christmas in Habsland

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It is important, at this time of the year, to take some time to look ourselves in the mirror and realise what’s most important. Friends, family, loved ones, memories… some are still with us, others have passed. But all of them should occupy a special place in our hearts. Think not only of those around you, but beware that there are some who are less fortunate than us. Smile at them, offer them some much needed company, make this season special for them as well. After all, it’s Christmas time. 

Having said that, don’t take life too seriously, as you won’t come out of it alive. Take time to laugh. On that note, let’s look at what the Montreal Canadiens’ night before Christmas might very well look like!

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Twas the night before Christmas, when at the Bell Centre
Not a soul was stirring, not even a trainer.
The jerseys were hung by the lockers with care,
In hopes that the stink would soon all be aired.

The players were resting while clearing their heads,
While visions of wins made them wet their beds.
With visions of Weber, holding the roadmap,
Helped by Radulov, they’re able to adapt.

When out in the media there arose such a clatter,
All sprang to the wed to see what was the matter.
Coming from out west it flew like a flash,
Another damned rumour to throw in the trash.

The Avs trade Duchene, little did they know
It is ‘a done deal’, some claimed in their glow.
When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But people offering Chucky, they are drunk on beer.

With a little ol’ coach, so hated although Canadien,
We knew in a moment it must be Therrien.
In a broken English he had planned his game,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Pleky! now, Marky! now, Pacioretty and DD!
On, Petry! On, Pricy! on, on Gally and Chucky!
To the top of the division! To the top of the standings!
Now have a vision! Work Da System to improve our rankings!”

Supported by Bergevin his fashion on the fly,
Therrien’s job is safe, even if fans cry.
They’ll turn things around by winning a few,
With Zamboni full of joy, and Therrien too.

And then, in a twinkling, there will be a trade,
While not unanimous, it will be an upgrade.
Just forget the rumours, forget the hearsay,
They’re toying with you, like a cat with its prey.

Whether it’s Spezza, Nugent-Hopkins or Hanzal,
It’s bound to cost more than garbage and all.
When the dust settles, all fans will be back,
On the bandwagon they’ll go just like a wolfpack.

Price will spring to his net, to his team give a whistle,
And away they will fly like the down of a thistle.
And Therrien will exclaim, on their way to the Cup,
“Happy Hockey to all, and to all a good fight!”